My husband recently did it with our daughter. He told her during his play time with her, "You belong to me." She in her three year old wisdom didn't feel right about it and responded, "Not."
In law, we speak of ownership only in terms of chattels and real property. No such concept exists in terms of people and with good reason. However, in private relationships we often express endearment in terms of ownership. When we do this, is it because we are trying to express a deeply held connection to the person and have no better words for it or is it because we feel we have have certain rights over them?
What Mr Renaisanc and I have over Dot is guardianship not ownership. "You are my daughter and you're special to me" is what he should have said.
Our kids are just passing through and our job is to equip them with the best possible skills to be good and happy citizens. Yes, at three she has to listen to us but not because we own her. I'm not sure how Daddy is going to handle Dot's inevitable push away from us if he feels some sort of ownership over her. Psychologists believe that the closer a child is to a parent the harder they push away and this push is an inevitable part of growing up and forming their own identity. I imagine to a parent who feels ownership over their child the push away would be just or perhaps more jarring.
Why do these assertions bother me so much? Isn't it romantic when the handsome leading man finally overcomes all obstacles and takes the beautiful-yet-relatable female lead in his arms and whispers in her ear, "You are mine. You belong to me," before kissing her passionately?
Maybe to some but it could be better. Apart from the fact that statement is just wrong in reality, the guy is expressing feelings of ownership which just reminds me of the mistreatment of women. At its most subtle, its what the boyfriend, who thinks he has the right to check his girlfriend's phone without her permission, unconsciously feels and its most confronting, its what the human trafficker thinks.
Those assertions don't seem quite so romantic anymore, does it? "You are special to me. We belong together," sounds better and doesn't contribute to normalising the view of human ownership on any level.
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